Concert Complaint

Dear Honorable Concert Organiser,

I was one of the attendees of your recent concert, dubbed the concert of the year, by none other than your goodself. That was a great marketing ploy, I must say. I wouldn't have, in a thousand years, thought of such a claim to boost the profile of an upcoming concert and get people to froth at the mouth inexplicably while wasting hours of their lives queueing for tickets.

But this isn't my complaint today. I must admit, it was indeed a very good concert, albeit not one I would call "of the year." The artiste sang very well, played his instrument very well, and danced extremely well too. My friend Lazarus Auyong tried to emulate the artiste's moves, but in his grand excitement, knocked the wind out of several people nearby, and almost got himself killed by a group of schoolgirls. Well, I thought they were schoolgirls at first, until I realised they were just a bunch of male otaku dressed up as some anime schoolgirl characters. Now, whoever heard of such a thing, right?

But that isn't my complaint today. Despite Lazarus's lousy antics that could have landed us in some serious trouble, I actually made some good new friends at the concert. One of them was a guy named George, who sported an 80s mullet, and kept talking about how great Nik Kershaw is and how the Human Racing album completely changed his life. I was able to see beyond his awful mullet and recognise a wonderful human being who took the trouble, for the sake of the rest of the human race, to decipher the meaning of the nonsensical 80s song, The Riddle.

But again, this has nothing to do with my complaint. My complaint is simply this:

Now, I especially hate it when an artiste, in the middle of a performance, suddenly says into the mic: "Now, let me hear you sing it!" and points the mic at the audience. All artistes should realise that we, the audience, give our hard-earned money to them to watch them perform and hear them sing. We don't go to concerts to hear the audience sing, nor sing the songs ourselves. We can go to any ATV KTV Karaoke joint for that.

A concert is not a karaoke session, OK? Now, at the concert last night, the artiste did that many, many times. I would say, it took up almost 80% of the concert time. So, what I want from you, Dear Concert Organiser, is this:

Since I was made to sing the songs for almost 80% of the concert, I would like to claim 80% of what you paid the artiste, simply because the way things went, I did 80% of the work for him. Fair is fair, right?

I decided to write to you first, in the hopes that you will give me a favourable reply. Otherwise, I would engage a legal representative to assist me in sorting out this little problem, and that would be quite messy, don't you think?

So, how about it? Anticipating your positive reply.

Yours sincerely,

Allan