Conversation With A Bank Employee

It was with a total lack of surprise that I answered a call from the Bank, about my long overdue credit-card payment. It was one of those things that make you want to kick yourself in the nuts, if only the sole of your foot could reach high enough to touch your crotch. Then, with one swift swing of the leg, you could kill millions of sex tadpoles, and maybe even yourself.

I would normally avoid the telephone in grand fashion; I couldn't give two farts. However, this time I had no choice but to face the music of the Bank's legal papers swishing and wafting in the winds of my impending financial doom.

"Hello, Mr Koay, this is Wilhelmina calling from the Bank. It's about your overdue payment."

I, of course, feigned surprise. "Oh, wow, my goodness, alamak, atchoo! I didn't even realise it's April!"

"Yes, Mr Koay. We would just like to know if you can make payment this week."

"Oh my, let's see ... erm, well ... tell you what ... I really don't know."

"Well, would you be able to make the payment by the end of this week?"

"Uh, well ... hey, do you own an air pot?"

"A what? Airport?"

"No, no, an air pot. You know, one of those things that keep the water warm and ready for you to make a hot cup of coffee?"

"Er, no."

"Well, would you like to buy one?"

"No."

"But listen, our air pots are of the latest, state-of-the-art design. It has the new three-channel system, which helps to maintain water in three different temperatures, all in one air pot! Now, isn't that wonderful? And if you buy now, we will give you a very special and exclusive coffee and tea set for free!"

"Erm, sir, could you please make payment by this week?"

"Well, would you like to buy our air pot? Special low price, this week only!"

"Er, no thanks."

"OK, then. Thank you for your time, miss."

And I hung up.